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No stalker at the library tonight. Damn.

Trouble is, I don't know where she lives or how to contact her other than at the library. I know she's an off campus student. She gave me her address and number at some point a month ago or so back when she invited me to her birthday party. I lacked my usual foresight and contingency planning, and I ended up sleeping right through it.

Here's the backstory: this girl moved her seat next to mine last semester in Cold War, halfway into the class--after we had studied for the midterm in a group session together--and she continued to sit there for the rest of the semester. Since then, she tells me she really liked working with me (in reference to the study sessions). She gets a library carrel near mine (or so I assume, because that's where she was last night). She comes to our Ninja! Drunk Funk and sits and watches me dance--I'm the only one on the dancefloor. When she invites me to her party, she places the invitation on our chalkboard and says, "I'll leave this invitation here if it'll make you come." She blushes, and then stutters, "to the party, I mean."

Last night, at the library, she was sitting in her carrel. I sat down in mine. I get up five minutes later, and she follows me down the stairs to talk to me about my thesis and my classes.

As my friend Slavo put it, she's either "digging on the flavah something serious, or she's just overly friendly. Overly friendly and overly weird."

Judge for yourself.

She is just barely an acquaintance. She'd have to be �ber overfriendly to come off the way she does. Either way, I think I'll find out come PCP. I'm trying desperately not to get my hopes up, but if I don't make a move I'm just sticking with uncertainty and avoiding possible hurt.

But I should avoid fixating. I have other, more established crushes to consider. Some of them are single, even.

But good Lord she's ridiculously cute.

I've been burned by ridiculously attractive women in the past. In my junior year of high school, when I had just gotten to Western High, I met this gorgeous blonde girl in one of my classes. We started talking. She was smart and funny. We did a school project together, we started hanging out, talking over AIM until 3am, all that jazz. I took her to the zoo.

When I was damn sure that all was well, I asked her out. She said she had a boyfriend, a fact which flew in well below my radar. Two days later, the boyfriend and a few neckless fucks threatened me in the school cafeteria and told me to stay away from her.

I talked to her about it, and told her that I couldn't hang out with her. She said, "He's just jealous." "Jealous?" I asked. "Jealous because I want you." But she wouldn't leave her jock-ROTC amalgam of a boyfriend.

Thanks a lot, I thought. That's exactly what I wanted to hear, you heartless, heartless bitch.

I ended up spending the rest of that year and the following summer chasing a pretty goth girl. She broke up with her boyfriend after we met. We hung out every day all day that summer. But she waffled on the issue of dating me, keeping me on a hook, presumably a twisted design to keep my attention. Once, she even posed as the "Genital Fairy" and disappeared my manhood--figuratively speaking, of course. Then she gave it back the next day, saying she shouldn't be so rash.

So perhaps that's why I'm being so cautious here. Maybe it helps explain a few other of my women-related neuroses, like not even flirting until I have some measure of concrete evidence that they're interested. But what I really should be worrying about is the eightish pages of thesis chapter I need to write before 1pm.

Damn it. Lovesick right before Valentine's Day. This can only end in either bliss or bitterness.

I walked along the avenue.
I never thought I'd meet a girl like you.
Meet a girl like you.
With auburn hair and tawny eyes.
The kind of eyes that hypnotize me through.
Hypnotize me through.

And I ran, I ran so far away.
I just ran, I ran all night and day.
I couldn't get away.

Goodness, it must be true. I'm quoting Flock of Seagulls lyrics.

~Halcyondream~

last entry next entry

02.12.2004 01:57
i tries to be a hard worker man, keep the thesis writing. so stupid, so stupid.


last 5
goodbye diaryland - 06.19.2004
p.s.: i really should get a livejournal to keep up with the rest of you - 06.18.2004
another day, another dollar not earned - 06.14.2004
time for an old halcyon standby: diatribe - 06.14.2004
a new era in computing for halcyon - 06.11.2004


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